Lots of people suffer from it so don’t be shy. Own up to yourself and your neighbour and choose the best way to knock your neverending depression for good.
Rating your favourite method :
LT= Longterm solution
MT= Mid term solution
ST= Sort term solution
Effectivity of your favourite method :
[Measured with amount of anti-depressants to be taken with treatment]
x 5= Arkham Asylum 017 562 3 21452
x 4= dubble your dose of anti-depressants and call your shrink in the morning
x 3= you might want to try a different treatment
x 2= almost completely cured
x 1= take up sports
[ST] One of the most reliable ways to get over your depression. If you wake from your depression-nap, read untill you fall sleep again. If this does’nt work, play with yourself untill you fall asleep again. If this does’nt work, take some sleeping tablets. If this does’nt work, take some more sleeping tablets [see ‘KILL YOURSELF’]. Or just chriogenically freeze yourself. [see ‘Spacetravel’]
2. Straightern you culz, your problems hide in your culz !!!
[according to ‘The White Stripes]
[LT] One of the more longterm solutions to your depression. Build your own spaceship. Start today with your very own Kite [See ‘Uses for your magazine’]. Remember the Apollo was’nt built in a day. Alternatively just chriogenically freeze yourself untill all the people who hates you die. This will only be possible in outerspace seeing that the freezing process could only be performed at zero gravity. [For more information on chriogenical freezing, and other inventions contact ‘REFORCE Industries’ PO Box z345, Zucarest, Albania, 01223564.]
4. Take up wrestling [MT]
Laat Jan Wilkens die hartseer uit jou uit stoei.
5.Get a facelift
Go unnoticed to your bank manager / inlaws / yourself / your depression. If you have money problems, and can’t afford a facelift, get the new DIY facelift kit. You can be whoever you want, with only 32 easy steps. [Meanwhile magazine can not be held liable for any reprocussions using the ‘REFORCE DIY Facelift programme’, we do not advertise any or promote any programme developed by the ‘REFORCE Group’. All inquiries related to the
'REFORCE Group’ must be directed at ‘REFORCE Industries’ PO Box z345, Zucarest, Albania, 01223564.]
7. Break Something [ST] 1. A leg [see ‘Take up wrestling’]
2. Your head [see ‘KILL YOURSELF’]
3. A sausage [see ‘Get a sexchange’]
4. A computer [see ‘rage against the machine’]
8. Mathematics [LT]
Right click and zoom in to enlarge
9. Get a sexchange [MT]
A lot of the time the cause for depression is the fact that the patient can not own up to life wearing high heeld shoes, or vellies for that matter. This can easily be rectified by changing one's sex. It is however not advised to undergo the procedure if members of the opposite sex is the preferred sexual fantacy. Except if you want to get a sexchange and then come out of the closet shortly afterwards. [For more information on sexchanging, and other inventions contact ‘REFORCE Industries’ PO Box z345, Zucarest, Albania, 01223564.] Sausage no more!!!
10. Needlepoint [LT]
According to the latest research in the field of pshiciatry needlepoint has been found as the ultimate cure for depression. The patient leans patience, controll and has the ability to be creative all at the same time. Prof. Gurdur Malfunctio drew up the following diagram to illustrate his theory.